24 weeks (& 3 days): baby & me

I had a rough week. Just as I thought I was starting to feel my '2nd trimester bliss,' I began vomiting again at nights. But I think it's because I overextended myself. I was suddenly working longer hours and meeting people in the evenings, staying out all day and coming home late. My legs and feet would puff up more than I've ever experienced before - tho not enough to buy new shoes. I'd fall asleep in that uncomfortable, nauseated state, remembering all the awful things I felt in my earlier months of pregnancy.

Realizing I'm probably doing this to myself, I made it a point to clear my schedule for this weekend to rest, postponing a highly anticipated family dinner. I was determined to sleep in this morning.

My baby had other ideas. At 5:30am, I woke up to a strong kick in my stomach. I didn't mind because I find her movements adorable, and I had to go to the lady's room anyway. When walking back to bed from the bathroom, I felt a hunger pang. But being so exhausted, I thought it'd be better to sleep through it. So I got back in bed and lied down on my left side as recommended, wrapping myself with the cozy pregnancy pillow my sister sent over as soon as she knew I was pregnant (it's a must-have!), then tucking myself in under my mom's soft and fuzzy purple blanket. Warm and comfortable, I was ready for some serious resting, and sweet slumber was falling on me when I felt another kick that abruptly brought me back to reality. And she wouldn't stop. Her kicks were strong and frequent enough to keep me in that half-awake-and-not-quite-asleep state for two hours straight! In my sleepy delirium, I was excited because it was the first time I felt her move so much for such an extended period of time. It felt like she was dancing around in my belly. How cute is that? But by 7:30, I began to feel too famished to stay still. I finally got myself up to grab some food.

In hindsight, I wonder if the baby was 'dancing' because she was hungry. I've read if the mother feels hunger, so does the baby. I've also heard other women talk about their hungry, kicking babies. To further support this theory, my girl's kicks stopped as soon as I scarfed down some bread and milk.

I had a moment of feeling like a terrible mother, but I also felt an overwhelming sense of joy from the idea of communicating with her. The bigger I get, and the stronger she kicks and punches, I feel like we're getting to know each other better. I find myself cradling my belly a lot these days, especially when I sleep. I used to think it's funny when my husband rubs my stomach and talks to our baby, but I've started doing it myself. Sometimes, her pushes feel like responses to what we say to her.

She's such an active little one. I wonder what she's going to be like.

PHOTO: According to babycenter.com, my uterus is about the size of a soccer ball by now.

My version of 'bliss' with a dilemma: 20 weeks 3 days

Every morning, my stomach feels a bit fuller. I find myself reaching for my lower belly as soon as I'm awake, and the growth I detect in my hand makes me smile. The baby's movements are getting stronger, and my husband was able to feel a pretty strong kick this morning, which made both of us giggle like little kids. The fact that every life has gone through this process is mind boggling. It's such a joyful time.

Physically, however, I haven't reached such a joyful place yet. This unexpectedly long 'sickness' brings with it a lot of dilemmas. Long story short, I have to travel for various reasons, including one that involves a job I have to finish. I have hired a company overseas for a project, and I have to be there for the final review in order to officially finish it. This meeting has been postponed since July, when I couldn't get out of bed. Now, I am definitely out of bed. I even take daily showers and am able to feed myself. But I still am constantly nauseated, and vomiting hasn't stopped, which worries me when I consider traveling abroad. It's not only the 14 hour plane ride, during which I usually have motion sickness anyway; it's also all the other little changes that come with a longterm travel: the jet lag, the different foods, the environment... The reservation for our plane tickets expires today, which means we have to make the decision to either buy it or postpone it by today. This is our third or fourth time having to make this decision, and I'm getting frustrated. What are my options? The only two I can think of are either I hire another company to do the job locally, which would mean a financial loss, or postpone it until I can stand a plane ride and a long time away from home.

At the doctor's office, they say right now is the optimal time to travel because I had my big 20 weeks checkup and don't have anything until the glucose test that comes between 24-28 weeks. And I'm supposed to feel my best during this period because my belly will only get bigger, making it harder to move around later on. Then when the baby comes... It's a whole different world of struggles. So... if what they say is true, and I feel the way I do now, I don't know if I can travel at all during my pregnancy. 

So I keep looking at my calendar, trying to make some predictions, decisions. And I keep writing emails, making changes to what I said might happen. I'm frustrated at my own body that won't let me enjoy this period like all the other pregnant friends I know. 

Then the baby moves. She dances around in my womb, letting her presence known, reminding me of this tremendous miracle I'm experiencing. Maybe this is my version of '2nd trimester bliss.' I'm just really happy, despite everything. Maybe the physical part of the 'bliss' will never come, but maybe that's okay.

Now, back to my calendar.........