27 weeks: jet lagged, anxious, but happy

JET LAG:

I've been feeling like a zombie since I got back home last week. The 13-hour difference has been brutal. My attempt to adjust to the new time zone by eating at 'right' meal times was not matching up with my sleep schedule, messing me up in pretty much every way. Obviously, being pregnant doesn't help... And I don't know what made me think eating Indian was a good idea, three days into readjusting, especially after not touching it since I got pregnant. I regretted immediately as I spent a good chunk of time and energy in the bathroom, hugging the toilet. It was... a violent night.

EARLY MORNINGS:
The thing about being jet lagged is that I get up really early in the mornings. In the beginning, it was at 2am, but now it's trickled down to almost 6am, which is a pretty normal time to get up for a lot of people. I've always been more of a night owl, but I do really love being up early in the mornings, when things are quiet, and air feels crisp. After waking up at 3am, I was able to put in another couple hours before I was up at 5:30 this morning, thinking about carrot juice. When my husband woke up soon after, we made an early morning trip to the grocery store to get some carrots. The fresh squeezed carrot juice made by my husband with our new juicer was heavenly, except I realize it may be too sugary to gulp down on an empty stomach. Next time, I'm having it with my breakfast. Oh, and I also came back with these: chocolate cravings, anyone?

HIGHS & LOWS:

Being pregnant for me has been such a crazy experience so far, where I feel the worst and the best of all emotions. The worst comes from the bodily discomforts and pain, and the best comes from this amazingly joyful anticipation. The sensation of this baby girl's movements and growth is the most exciting thing I've ever felt in my daily existence but also the reason for my physical misery. It's conflicting sometimes, but they seem to balance each other out in the end. I'm not actually so much cranky as I am groggy. I started sleeping at nights since two nights ago, so maybe I'll be more clearheaded by this weekend. I'd better be because I'm traveling again in less than a week.

ANXIETY DREAMS:

Speaking of sleeping, my anxiety seems to manifest itself in my dreams these days. I'm always fighting some kind of a battle, sometimes as a swords(wo)man, and sometimes as a superhero. In a way, it's great because it always plays out in this grand, cinematic background, and I'm awesome. But of course, I'm also always trying to protect either my baby or my pregnant belly, which is not so fun. I think part of the anxiety comes from the fact that I feel like I've let go of my independence for the time being. Because I've been so sick on and off throughout this pregnancy, my husband has taken over a lot of what I do, which is necessary and great. But what happens when circumstances change, and he no longer does everything for me? Gasp. I have to keep reminding myself that certain symptoms will go away once the baby is out, and I will be back to being myself again. It's just hard to imagine because I've been in this constant state of something different for half a year now.  

PHOTO AT 27 WEEKS: 
I stopped being surprised at the size of my belly. I kind of love how big it's getting. My sister says I'm still 'tiny.' I'm sure I'm not actually 'tiny,' and I also know I'm going to grow a lot more in the next few months. And the bigger I get, I realize my belly looks different, depending on the time of day, as you can see in the photo. This morning, she was sitting really low. It's fun to think about where she is and what she's doing. Sometimes, I imagine she's taking a swim; I feel her little hands and feet poking as she tries to maneuver in the little space she has. And when I rub my Earth Mama Oil over my belly after showers, I feel a weird sense of pride. Despite feeling fat and clumsy at times, I am starting to love my pregnant body.

25 weeks: fat or bloated?

I've been away from home for a few weeks now, and things have been busy. After two weeks of concentrated activity, I've spent this week trying to recover. I'm still feeling pretty lousy, which I'm trying to get over. This trip is coming to an end very soon, and there is another long plane ride ahead of me...

In the midst of all the madness, I kept forgetting to weigh myself. According to my record, 19 weeks and 4 days was the last time, which is more than a month ago. Then this week, I finally remembered. Knowing my baby has grown quite a bit in the past few weeks, I was simultaneously excited and scared to step on the scale. I kind of wanted to see a shockingly high number. But of course, that wouldn't actually be a good thing. After getting over that momentary stupidity, I found myself being reflective in front of the scale, asking questions like... Have I been taking care of myself well enough? Am I eating enough or too much? Do I need to exercise more?

Then I was finally standing on the scale. Immediately, I was puzzled. It was nothing like I expected. According to these numbers, I had lost weight since week 19. It didn't make any sense because I clearly do not look any thinner, and I've been eating way more than before. Also, the rate at which my belly has been growing cannot possibly spell weight loss. Suspicious, I reset the scale and went back on. As expected, it was a fluke - just a calibration issue. I think this may be the first time I was alarmed about a low number on a scale. Fortunately, I've been gaining the 'right amount' (0.5-1lb/week since 2nd trimester).

The thing is tho, I've been feeling really fat. Or maybe the more accurate description is 'bloated.' It doesn't help that I've been eating a lot of salty foods lately, tho my father thinks I did actually gain some fat - thanks dad! Of course, I'm obviously carrying around more weight than usual, and I guess dad could be right too. I do seem to get hungry all the time, if not sick. I have 15 more weeks to get bigger, but I already feel so heavy. My butt hurts when I sit. I need to start doing some squats or something. Or perhaps I'll feel well enough soon to finally go to a prenatal yoga class!

PHOTO: My upper belly is starting come out a lot more. The baby seems to have come up higher. I feel her movements above my belly button now. And I'm starting to sit funny.