6 weeks: Firsts

As first time parents, everything is new. We've had some of our important firsts in the past week.

OUTING:
This week was full of activities. We had our baby's one month Dr's appt as well as my 6 weeks checkup. Both Dr's offices are quite a drive from where we live, so it was a mini family road trip. Dave and I are getting better at packing our diaper bag and predicting her schedule - every trip feels less daunting. We also had our first family walk in the neighborhood today, which was just a short walk to pick up some coffee (decaf for me) from a few blocks away, but it felt like SUCH a big deal. I wore my baby in the K'tan carrier and topped it off with my maternity parka to protect her from the wind. She's gained more than 4lbs since birth, so she felt pretty hefty, but it felt so good to walk outside. In a weird way, I felt like my old self again.

FIRST BATH:

I was super cautious about bathing her. Of course, the first concern was the umbilical cord. But even when the cord stub came off, I didn't feel ready. Her skin seemed too delicate, and I was afraid she'd get cold. I watched videos on bathing babies over and over, trying to get comfortable with the idea. And in the meantime, I just wiped her off with warm, wet wash cloths. In preparation,  I ordered a thermometer rubber ducky (a must have!), which put me at ease about water temperature. We ended up washing her over the kitchen sink in a small plastic basin, using way too many towels because I kept drying her off just in case she's cold being wet. Our little girl looked confused, but she didn't fuss or cry through the whole process, which makes me think she might be one of those bath-loving babies like my niece, who refuses to get out of the tub sometimes. I feel like we crossed a big hurdle. 

SLEEPING:
I think I noticed for the first time this week that she seems more tired at nights. She still gets up very frequently, but it went from every hour to sleeping almost 2-2.5 hours straight (tho only once a night)! I really should take advantage of the opportunity to sleep, but I can't get myself to do it. Everything feels too delicate, like I have to watch her every second. If my husband is not up with her, I don't feel comfortable sleeping. Even if I lie down and close my eyes, even if I doze off for a minute or two, I'm right back up as soon as I hear her move or make a sound. I know I am being the waaaaay-paranoid-new-mom, but I can't seem to snap out of it. Perhaps it'll get better once she hits that 2-month or 3-month mark, where doctors say things are "safer." 

FEARS:

Being a first time mom, I feel paranoid about everything. My husband seems more lax about the whole situation, which is sometimes annoying but mostly helpful. I'm hoping my paranoia and fears will subside as my baby gets older and stronger. I'll get used to things, I'm sure.

I really need to chill out. Maybe it's time for me to get a gym membership again...

5 Weeks: late night thoughts of a newbie mama

It's around 2AM. Another long night has begun. I've just fed my baby, changed her diaper, and successfully put her to sleep in my K'tan baby carrier. My husband took the night shift last night because I wasn't feeling so well. And now, he's completely knocked out - looks like I'm on my own for a while! I'm rocking side to side in my chair to keep my baby sleeping for the time being. She'll be up again soon. She's going through yet another growth spurt/cluster feeding, which consists of short and frequent nursing and fussiness - very labor intensive!

I see why this stage of parenthood is often described as dreadful. I've heard so many horror stories about this period - about the sleeplessness, the crying, the never-ending feedings, the diapers... It's a completely new territory for first timers like myself. There's a learning curve. But you get better with practice, and things get easier - hopefully anyway.

Some parents say it only gets harder as you go because babies get bigger and more complex. And oh the dreadful teenage years! Everybody who's been there loves to warn you about the teenage years.

I believe it. It will only get more complicated. And right now - with this newborn who's so tiny and completely dependent on me - will be the easiest thing in hindsight, so I should enjoy it while it lasts. I agree, and I am. That's how life seems to go. Whatever I have right now will not ever be back, or be the same. I have to absorb it now, or it's gone forever.

I knew early on a baby changes everything. Duh. But I mean, it really changes EVERYthing. And I used to be one of those young people who's scared of the changes. I was never eager to start a family. I only vaguely knew I eventually wanted children. But for a long time, I feared the commitment. Wouldn't it take away my independence? My freedom? My precious solitude? What about my youthful body? Wouldn't a baby ruin everything?

Having just had my first baby after being married for almost nine years, I've gotten a lot of questions and comments from various places about this topic of babies and parenthood. It was annoying as heck, and I still think it's really none of anyone's business. And I personally think all these fears are valid and should not be ignored. I took my time, and I'm glad I did.

I marvel at this tiny, beautiful creature on a daily, or more like.. hourly basis. There's a constant, overwhelming sense of love. Yes, I'm exhausted. And I realize my days of being spontaneous are pretty much over. But surprisingly, I am not bothered by it. I am quite at peace with all of it. Life flows, and I'm moving along with it. It feels right. Things are changing as usual, and I am still me - fortunately, a version with enough perspective to not dwell on the past or the future, able to take in the good stuff. And this, right now, is good stuff.