Saturday, October 20, 2012

anxiety scare

A lot of things happened yesterday. Two couples I know welcomed their beautiful firstborns, and Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake got married in Italy (why do I know this!). My baby wasn't coming anytime soon, and I already had my wedding years ago. Nonetheless, I had some important plans of my own.

After having stayed up all night trying to 'catch my breath,' I was exhausted in the morning. But I got myself up anyway because I had a long list of things to do. Feeling a bit overwhelmed, I noticed I was still having breathing troubles. At some point, it got worse, tho I don't remember exactly how or when. Perhaps I was hyperventilating because I was lightheaded and dizzy. I had to stop what I was doing.

Slightly panicked and gasping for air, I called for my husband, who was fortunately nearby. After googling and reading some alarming info, we decided to head to the ER, just in case.

Once we arrived at the hospital, they were quick to take me in. A slew of people rushed over, putting a bunch of stickers and tubes all over my body, checking my vitals and talking to each other as urgently as they do when working on a critical patient. I've been to the ER many times in my life, but this was the first time they responded in this manner. It scared the crap out of me. I wanted to tell them I'm actually fine and was there more as a precautionary measure, but I didn't have a chance. Everything happened so quickly. It's like there was a time lapse, and I was suddenly naked in a loosely tied hospital gown with a Oxygen mask over my face.

Then it hit me things could actually be serious - something could go wrong with my baby. In that moment of heightened realization, all senses in my body were lost. I couldn't feel my hands. I closed my eyes and started praying. I don't remember when they took my blood or how they stuck that IV in my arm. What I do remember is the warm sensation of tears flowing down my cheeks, as I desperately tried to remain calm and awake.

Looking back, it was overly dramatic, but also necessarily so. They were afraid the baby wasn't getting enough Oxygen, that it could be a clot or worse. They needed to make sure the baby and I were surviving before anything else. Only after I stabilized, they were able to slow down and put me through a series of tests that eventually cleared me of any critical conditions. They also checked my baby's heartbeat. She's doing fine.

When waiting to be discharged after spending all day at the hospital, I was annoyed at myself for making the decision to go to the ER. I felt embarrassed, like I wasted my day for nothing, scaring a lot of people, including myself. But of course, that's not a very well thought out conclusion. After a good night's sleep, I no longer regret it. I'm glad to have been cleared of any serious conditions. Now I have some peace of mind.

Also, I realize how much this unborn child of mine has taken over my existence. I don't even know her face, and she has already become the most important thing in my life that it boggles my mind. The next four months of pregnancy seem like eternity, but I'm grateful to be carrying her, healthy and growing.

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