Sunday, October 14, 2012

My version of 'bliss' with a dilemma: 20 weeks 3 days

Every morning, my stomach feels a bit fuller. I find myself reaching for my lower belly as soon as I'm awake, and the growth I detect in my hand makes me smile. The baby's movements are getting stronger, and my husband was able to feel a pretty strong kick this morning, which made both of us giggle like little kids. The fact that every life has gone through this process is mind boggling. It's such a joyful time.

Physically, however, I haven't reached such a joyful place yet. This unexpectedly long 'sickness' brings with it a lot of dilemmas. Long story short, I have to travel for various reasons, including one that involves a job I have to finish. I have hired a company overseas for a project, and I have to be there for the final review in order to officially finish it. This meeting has been postponed since July, when I couldn't get out of bed. Now, I am definitely out of bed. I even take daily showers and am able to feed myself. But I still am constantly nauseated, and vomiting hasn't stopped, which worries me when I consider traveling abroad. It's not only the 14 hour plane ride, during which I usually have motion sickness anyway; it's also all the other little changes that come with a longterm travel: the jet lag, the different foods, the environment... The reservation for our plane tickets expires today, which means we have to make the decision to either buy it or postpone it by today. This is our third or fourth time having to make this decision, and I'm getting frustrated. What are my options? The only two I can think of are either I hire another company to do the job locally, which would mean a financial loss, or postpone it until I can stand a plane ride and a long time away from home.

At the doctor's office, they say right now is the optimal time to travel because I had my big 20 weeks checkup and don't have anything until the glucose test that comes between 24-28 weeks. And I'm supposed to feel my best during this period because my belly will only get bigger, making it harder to move around later on. Then when the baby comes... It's a whole different world of struggles. So... if what they say is true, and I feel the way I do now, I don't know if I can travel at all during my pregnancy. 

So I keep looking at my calendar, trying to make some predictions, decisions. And I keep writing emails, making changes to what I said might happen. I'm frustrated at my own body that won't let me enjoy this period like all the other pregnant friends I know. 
Then the baby moves. She dances around in my womb, letting her presence known, reminding me of this tremendous miracle I'm experiencing. Maybe this is my version of '2nd trimester bliss.' I'm just really happy, despite everything. Maybe the physical part of the 'bliss' will never come, but maybe that's okay.

Now, back to my calendar......... 

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